“Conductive to your loss”: Can you find the right words

The death of a loved one is not just a loss. The world collapses, you have to collect yourself again. Psychologist Jamie Kennon believes that every grief is in some way – in common, and discusses whether it is possible to find the right words to sympathize and support.

The death of a loved one irrevocably changes the world of the one who is experiencing loss. This emptiness cannot be filled, and, contrary to the common expression, time does not heal.

“When someone is dying, we are not just losing it,” says psychologist such Jamie Knnon. “A huge part of our lives leaves him, and we are faced with emotions that have nowhere to run away.”.

Can in such a situation the phrase “condolences of your loss” to console and support? Hardly. Many studies are devoted to grief. People tried to determine its stages, study the destructive action and find ways to stop this flour. But despite all the efforts of specialists, it is still very difficult to cope with grief. Even if the death of a loved one is inevitable, we cannot prepare ourselves for it.

Loss that cannot be replenished

After the death of the one who is dear to us, life changes. Much has to start from the beginning. Loss deprives us of support, comfort and clarity, leaves vulnerable and devastated. Woe creates a vacuum around us, because it is impossible to explain how we actually suffer.

“Trying to recover from grief, remember – you will not be able to replace the one who is no longer,” writes Kennon. – You can’t just find new hobbies, go on a trip, reunite with old friends and so weaken the pain. “.

If a person has become our part, his place will always belong only to him. Our life is formed by those around us. And if death takes one of them, we will never be the same. Woe changes our reality.

Woe with us forever

It is useless to try to convince the grief that his pain will pass, that it can be defeated. Because grief will remain with us forever. There will be no day when we remembered that we have lost. But the pain that accompanies these memories will gradually dull.

Of course, in the end we will find where to redirect energy. Perhaps the most difficult thing is precisely this is to change the subject of love. After all, it is unbearably difficult to continue to love the one who will never reciprocate.

What time do we live in?

Sometimes it seems that the past is returning. Whether we are doomed to eternal repetition or is it an illusion?

The answer seems obvious only at first glance. Time is not only a date in the calendar. These are fashion, habits, habits and words, prohibitions and permission, “given” and “need to prove” and, by and large, worldview. Times are layered on each other. And the past, which seemed to be gone irrevocably, suddenly looks into the present. As if a guest has a strangled guest, not yet a locked door to the apartment, from which he left five minutes ago, forgetting his hat in the hallway.

Just the other

day, from the Park of Culture, I was heading to the large glass bridge across the Moscow River. Dried a light April rain. Frunzenskaya embankment all of rumor: they build something. Portable metal fences do not hide pieces of red clay turned out. Fencing striped ribbons are stretched between the trees, which suddenly change the intended route. Having made another forced turn, I saw a sculptural group right in front of me: she practically blocked my path, leaving only a narrow path for the passage to the side. The first in my eyes was a woman sitting on a bench dressed in the post-war years: a tablet hat, suit, shoes with a jumper. Behind her back – and behind the back of the bench – there is a middle -aged man: on the tunic on the right is a university rhombus, on the left of the order and star of the hero. And in front of them is a boy with the letters of the IEV in uniform: the Suvorov Military School, I deciphered. In one hand he holds a suitcase, bring the other to his cap, saluting the military, which stands opposite him and seems to me desperately familiar. The “acquaintance” has also a rhombus on his chest and two stars. There is no signature. An unexpected sculpture. I wish to show who! But who will you drag here in such weather … And then I remembered: there is a camera in the mobile! Hooray. I removed the phone from the cover, attached my umbrella on my knees to the woman and began to take pictures of the elder by rank in the calculation later to find out who he looked like. There was not enough cloudy light, the pictures were dark. I came in on one side, then on the other. When, having completed my attempts, I was about to continue my path, a man approached me, too fat from his overalls covering him. On top of everything on it was a reflective vest of dazzling.